shits.

i said sorry. maybe i said something i shouldnt have said but it was a slip of tongue. i didnt mean it. i dont need silent treatment please. its effing bothering me in and out. if it was my bad, say it. SAY IT. please dont do this. i feel like shit.

i cant sleep.
i eat chocolates just to keep myself happy.
i bought 3 shawls in which i dont really need them.
i keep my eyes open when i shop just incase u're in the same mall with me (crossing my fingers not to see something which i dont really want to see)
i keep comforting myself when i drive, saying that everything will be ok.
i keep on looking at my phone hoping that i'll get a text or call from you. which until now, NIL.
i restraint myself from crying bacause im sicked of it.
i pretend to be ok infront of my friends because i dont want them to worry anymore.
I DONT LIKE THIS FEELING. AT ALL. IT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY. FUCK.

nothing much that i can say now.

saya miss dia.

like sangat-sangat ;(

...you hold me without touch

you keep me without chains...

...i never wanted anything soo much

too drown in your love and not feel your rain..

-gravity, sara bareilles-

p/s : if only he realised this.

farewell two zero zero nine.

Happy New Year!!!

Goodbye 2009, hello 2010. I was with syifa on the new year's eve. We were in curve and yeah only 2 of us. Pecah rekod babe!! Celebrate new year 2 org je. Haha. I think last year was better compared to 2009's celebration, well maybe because of the crowd kot. But one thing for sure, during the fireworks, i felt something really deep, something that cannot be described. I felt happy but a bit gloomy at the same time. As i was watching the beautiful bunga apisss and mercunsss, a vision came into my head. All of the 2009's memories. The sweets and the bitters. But i can say the sweet memories prevail. My Convocation, Qherq & Wan's wedding, my amazing raya with families, my memorable birthday celebration, my first paycheck, what more? owh, i started my chambering period last year (6 months passed, 3 more months to go. Woohoo!!) And the last but not least, i met the guy ♥.

2009 had been a tremendous year for me, the greatest so far. I have been living for 24 years, but this 2009 is the best, lots of good things happened, i was happy and still happy till this very moment, people around me were happy as well. So yeah, what more can i ask for? kan kan ;)

Lets hope for the best in 2010. i am, indeed.

P/s : I really wish for this good feeling to stay and am crossing my fingers for a better life ahead. family, health, career, money, and of course, love.